Deciding to Become Foster Parents

I really haven't addressed the reasons why we have decided to become foster parents. I know it's hard for some people to even understand why we would want more children, since we already have four young, active boys of our own. Here's an attempt:

From the time when I was very young, I have always felt very fortunate and wanted to help children who were not as lucky as I was. Mind you, we weren't rich - we were a true, blue-collar middle class family. At nine years old, I was saving my weekly allowance and sending it to the Christian Children's Fund so that I could sponsor a little girl in Guatemala. Unfortunately, my parents found out about my little scheme and were none too happy about it. My Dad was miffed that he was giving me money every week, only to have me give it to someone else's child. My Mom (bless her) was horrified that someone in Guatemala had our home address! She really thought that someone from another country who was too poor to afford food might come to the United States and rob us. Whatever, Mom. At any rate, they promptly put the kabosh on my humanitarian efforts, and I felt guilty for years afterwards for "abandoning" that little girl. I knew I'd have to wait until adulthood to try again, and so I waited.

At a time when other little girls my age were playing with baby dolls and pretending to be married, I was playing with the family dog and pretending to be part of a wolf pack. Right through my 20s, I had absolutely no interest in babies, and I couldn't understand my friends' obsession with engagement rings and huge weddings (what a waste of money!!!). Instead, I watched PBS and cried during television news reports of yet another child being beaten to death by their parents/foster parents/random strangers. Kids of my own, though? No way. My grandmother would brag to her friends that "Michelle is going to adopt older children, she wants to save the world!" Considering how sick my grandmother got when she was pregnant with HER children, this was something she could definitely relate to.

Then I met my husband. He already had a young daughter, and he was a model father. We took our time dating, warming up to each other, since we had both just gotten out of long-term relationships and weren't looking to make any more mistakes. It turned out that we were the perfect match for each other: From having both spent summers upstate in Monticello every year until we were both ten (we never met), to our taste in music (varied and disjointed), to our work ethic, to our views on society in general, we were a perfect fit. We also both had a love of karaoke and dancing, which we shared with a group of work friends on Friday nights. The kicker was when he was two hours late to work one day: He apparently stopped to help push an older woman and her dead car out of the middle of the street, then stayed with her until the tow truck came and drove her home. That was it - I was hooked.

We were already engaged when I started to feel differently about children. My husband comes from a huge family, and there are always tons of children around. One day when we were at a Halloween party at his parents' house, I looked around at all of the children in their costumes, at all of the mothers taking care of their little ones, and I suddenly felt that ache. I wanted one, too! I've been pregnant every since. (By the way, we got married in Brooklyn, by a Justice of the Peace, in front of our immediate family. We used the money we saved to buy a brand-new Jeep Cherokee, which we still have today.)

Over the years, my husband and I have inquired about foster parenting orientations on and off. Unfortunately, it turns out that physically, I take after my grandmother: I become deathly ill when pregnant. This knocked out several years' worth of time to devote to actually getting certified, as I have been pregnant in some shape or form since 1997. Finally, after Jordan, I convinced my husband that it was "now or never," and we became certified foster/adoptive parents in February of 2009.

Because of the age of our children (3 1/2 through 11) and because we only have one spare room, we are limited in the age range that we can take in. Additionally since we have four boys, we are hoping to add a girl to the mix. Hey, there's way too much testosterone in this house right now - I could use an ally once in a while.... (Though with my luck, we'd end up with a tomboy who would abandon me to play basketball in the backyard with the boys! That would be all right, too. :-) We actually prefer the hard-to-manage toddler/preschooler age, as we have tons of experience wtih this, but we are very open to age and will consider any child in need.

Now that we are actually certified, though, it seems that all we do is wait. And wait. And...wait some more. Part of me is glad that they aren't calling us: To me, that means that there are less children in the system who are having a hard time at home(I hope). And that's great - I much prefer that. Sooner or later, though, there may be a child who needs a place to stay, and who would benefit from four little boys fawning all over them, a houseful of pets to love, and two adults who spend all of their free time with their children. When that time comes, we'll be here.

In the meantime, we do what we've always done: Work hard, play harder, and enjoy the many blessings in our lives as a family.