Anatomy of a Birthday with the family you've been locked up with 24/7 for 1,000 days & nights:
· Initial post-work greetings: “Happy Birthday!” x7, then -
o "What are we eating? [listens] "Why can't we have XX?"
o Repeat above exchange 4x per 5 boys.
o Did you order yet? Did you order yet? Did you order yet?
· Order Food.
o Sob over final cost for eight people.
o Contemplate making pasta on the stove.
o Provide credit card #.
· Watch Backyard Basketball:
o Yelling, screaming, sore losing, sore winning.
o Repeat 3x.
· Dinner: Silent reverie. (Shout out to Meta in Oceanside.)
· New card game #1: Too many instructions along with G&T, loud bickering, belittlement, banishing.
· Zoom in remote sibling #1. Laugh, chat, overshare.
· Games pause. One sibling unnecessarily mean to another sibling. Wronged sibling receives insincere apologies. Chaotic scene ensues. Neighbors slam windows shut.
· New card game #2: Fun, laughter, yelling, crying, bitter feelings. Fervent request for peace.
· Remote sibling #2 enters Zoom meeting.
· Card game continues. Bickering escalates.
o Angry words between siblings.
o Wronged sibling self-banishes.
o Parents at odds over resolution.
o Children loud and opinionated.
o Escalation of voices causes loud, buzzing roar throughout the home (and over Zoom connection).
· Lose Zoom sibling #1 to headache.
· Tour remaining Zoom sibling’s new home virtually.
o Lots of “Oooohs!” and “Ahhhhhs!”
o Proud feelings.
· Card game continues.
o Yelling resumes when wronged sibling re-enters and requests electronics.
o Escalated voices.
o Fever-pitched declarations.
· Lose second Zoom sibling to slammed laptop by bitter, wronged teen.
· Birthday girl locks herself in the office.
· Feigned apologies through the door.
· Resolution. Fighting ends!
· Card game continues with all eight quarantined family members.
All in all, a great birthday!
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